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Ideals Versus Reality |  |
Maya
Let's see... The props needed for today's rehearsal are one of these, and... No, not that one. Hmm, what else...?
Maya
Sigh... Oops, there I go again... I shouldn't be groaning and sighing before theater-club rehearsal...
Maya
I can't get the column off my mind though... I know I'm still unfamiliar with the work, but I never thought I'd be worrying this much.
Maya
(Aya-san told me to just stick to content that suits who I am, but that will only result in it being out of character for an idol.)
Maya
To be more like an idol or more like myself... Sigh...
Kaoru
Long and deep was your exhaling, Maya. Though your despair-tinged expression also possesses a particular charm, a smile is much more becoming of you.
Maya
K-Kaoru-san! Hahaha... Oh, please, don't mind me.
Kaoru
Fufu, you are as modest as ever, Maya.
Kaoru
However, now is no time for reservations. Am I to assume that those moans which spill forth are born from some manner of discontent?
Maya
Hahaha... Thank you for saying that... I guess I wasn't hiding it very well, was I?
Maya
In that case, would you mind if I discussed the matter with you?
Kaoru
No, not at all. Please speak.
Maya
Kaoru-san, what comes to mind when you hear the word "individuality"?
Kaoru
Oh, "individuality," you say...? Your fleeting inquiry has tickled my curiosity.
Maya
I'm not sure how fleeting it is, but it is something that has been on my mind for a while now.
Maya
It's a fairly tough question to tackle, in my opinion.
Kaoru
Yes, it would appear so.
Kaoru
Allow me to share my thoughts. To put it simply... every version of me is still me.
Maya
Every version...? Sorry, I think you're gonna have to explain...
Kaoru
Maya, you place extensive effort and resources into expanding your understanding of that which you enjoy, yes?
Kaoru
Through that procured knowledge, you often come to the aid of myself and others.
Kaoru
Not as a way of putting on airs, no. Instead, your comprehension and experience go toward the noble goal of assisting those around you... One could say it is one of your greatest attributes.
Kaoru
It is a substantial part of your individuality, is it not?
Maya
Well... Hearing such kind words is nice and all, but...
Maya
Your description is one of a simple nerdy girl. I think what makes an idol so fascinating is not quite the same...
Kaoru
A simple nerdy girl... I make no claim on the accuracy of said label, but... is that a form you find to be undesirable?
Maya
Ah, well... Sorry for leaving out some of the details, but I can say that what I'm currently struggling with is my identity as an idol.
Maya
Because I definitely have far too many traits that would be considered those of a geek rather than those of an idol...
Maya
And though everyone keeps saying that that's what makes me who I am, I can't stop wondering if it's really acceptable for Maya Yamato the idol to be that way.
Kaoru
Personally, I do not believe that to be unacceptable...
Maya
I'm truly happy to hear you say that. Thank you very much.
Maya
But it just doesn't feel right to me for some reason.
Maya
I don't know whether I need to better myself or if this is all nonsense that I've brought about from overthinking...
Maya
I need to be an idol... Unfortunately, this is my true nature, so I don't think I can meet that expectation...
Kaoru
Quite the revelation. In other words... Maya, you stand at the entrance of a grand trial.
Maya
Huh...? A t-trial?!
Kaoru
Yes, a trial! Maya. Before you rests a new, unfamiliar stage in your life, and the stress it inflicts has brought daily suffering upon you.
Kaoru
The details are lost upon me, sad to say.
Kaoru
Despite writhing in agony, however, you do not surrender in your search. How beautiful a form, of that I can clearly see!
Kaoru
Ah, Maya. You are truly fleeting...!
Maya
Hahaha... You've fully entered fleeting mode, I see.
Maya
(Kaoru-san seems to agree with the rest of Pastel✽Palettes in saying that I'm fine as I am.)
Maya
(Even still, I can't bring myself to believe that... Why am I being this way when everyone else has said otherwise...?)
Maya
I should apologize for bringing up such a silly question out of nowhere. It's about time for the rehearsal to begin, so I'll stop wasting your time and start carrying the props!
Kaoru
Individuality. Ah, yes.
Kaoru
Do not fret, Maya. A brilliant light will surely pierce through that darkness...
Kaoru
For in spite of your self-doubt, there I shall be... believing in you as I do.
Transcript
Maya
BanG Dreamer-san! I see you're working hard today!
Maya
Have you stepped out to do some shopping? Yes, I'm trying to clear my mind with the bit of free time that I've been given.
Maya
So you're here for a magazine. Oh, the one in your hand, I'm guessing?
Maya
Hm? That one seems a tad familiar... I knew it! It's the magazine where my column is being published!
Maya
You're glad you chose the right one...? Wait, did you purchase that to read my piece?
Maya
So Eve-san was promoting it, huh? Well, thanks for buying it! I'll be certain to tell her how much I appreciate her help later.
Maya
... Please keep this between us, but writing that column was very difficult for me. I had absolutely no idea what sort of content to write.
Maya
Originally, it was a struggle to decide whether I was worthy of being an idol... That ultimately resulted in me losing my way.
Maya
One could say it was a difference between ideals and reality. New Staff-san, do you have an image of what it is to be an ideal idol?
Maya
As for myself, my image would definitely be something like, "To be a person whose conviction shines brightly enough to bring courage to others."
Maya
A description so far off from how I am now that viewing myself as an idol felt laughable at best.
Maya
Still, I wished to take my task seriously and put forth an earnest effort, so that's when I began to reanalyze my view of what an idol is!
Maya
And I could easily do so with four prime examples of true idols right there in front of me.
Maya
Unfortunately, though... I just ended up feeling way too insecure because I was comparing myself to them.
Maya
Every one of them has a unique sense of individuality that is charming and appealing to others, no changes necessary!
Maya
Meanwhile, I can't become a proper idol like them. You would think that means I can stick to the whole geek thing, but I couldn't do that either...
Maya
Everything I did was just so half-baked. A good example is how I scolded myself over going "huhehe" but was ultimately unable to stop doing it.
Maya
That's when I hit rock bottom. With a thud. And just when I had begun to lose hope, Eve-san stepped in and offered me these words...
Maya
"What is so wrong about an idol laughing the way that you do?"
Maya
I was at an utter loss for how to respond to that question.
Maya
Suddenly, I had a realization. I was only thinking about the ideal idol on a surface level. My imitation attempts were superficial.
Maya
Those who truly shine brightly are the ones capable of turning their individuality into a strength, but I completely overlooked that. The only thing I was trying to do was change myself.
Maya
Meanwhile, Aya-san, Hina-san, Chisato-san and Eve-san, the ones I had been watching so I could learn something, shine just by being themselves... That fact completely slipped my mind.
Maya
... Ever since I began writing this column, I've been getting a lot more letters from fans.
Maya
In them are countless words of kindness from the people who say I brighten up their day and give them courage whenever they see me and read my column.
Maya
That's when I finally understood. Even someone like me, in my role as an idol... can somehow grant something... grant courage to others.
Maya
Which is why I will continue improving myself, aiming to someday become an ideal idol who still remains true to herself.
Maya
Once you've read my column, even the tidbits that show off my obsessively geeky side, I would very much like to hear your impressions of it!
Maya
Okay, I'll see you later... Ah, and sorry for suddenly dragging you into a conversation like that...
Maya
See you again at CiRCLE! Keep up the good work!